Miusheri (miusheri) wrote,

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My decrees

Decree #1: I've deemed that in certain, special cases, the word "no" shall be removed from the English language and replaced with a sound whack to the cranial region with a splintered two-by-four.

This lady at work somehow wanted us to wrangle FIFTY laptops for her little seminar next weekend. We don't have that many laptops to give, and we have told her so. So now, two weeks after we tell her this, she comes back with, "How about thirty, then?"

Damn! Why hasn't the CIA recruited this woman yet? Her shrewd mastery of negotiative tactics would make Captain James "Korbomite" Kirk blush with shame.

We're not even close to having thirty laptops to give her- neither is any computer rental place on the planet; I can tell you this with confidence because I was forced to call over half a dozen of them and verify that this is so- but try telling her that. I think she's taking our "no" as a "we're just being lazy and difficult" no, when it's really more of a "that's physically impossible" no: the same kind of "no" you'd hear if you asked if 747s travel at the speed of light, or if you wondered aloud whether King Bush II ever invested in a five-dollar goddamn dictionary. Anyway, I'm in a weird mood today and I've got a lot more weirdness to expend before the end here, so let's move on.

Decree #2: Henceforth, let it be known that the Monongahela River shall hereby be known as the Poopacrappa River, owing to its distinctive coloring. Except in winter, when it turns into frozen aquamarine concentrate- Iceapoopacrappa- which is later thawed and exported for use in port-a-johns and amusement park water rides across the nation. And Pittsburgh's having a budget crisis why?

In other news, John Kerry and Bon Jovi will be at Pitt tomorrow- but you need a ticket to see 'em. D'oh! 'Cept for Bon Jovi, who I think is performing right outside the Cathedral on Bigelow Blvd. Sweetness. I wonder if I'll be able to hear him from the building in which I work?
Tags: geek, geek humor

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