October 9th, 2006


It's not a toomah! Then what is it?

I was curious. Alcohol and drugs kill brain cells. Oxygen deprivation kills brain cells. Smacking your head off of something kills brain cells. So seizures probably kill off fuckloads of brain cells, right? Especially since I stop breathing/have cyanosis every time, and have once fallen and smacked my head at the onset of a seizure?

Do Seizures Damage the Brain?

The answer will shock you, but here it is all the same, in a nutshell: They don't know! Same answer I get to everything else seizure-related, despite all the expensive testing and centuries of medical research.

But this-here quote isn't optimistic: "Research performed over several decades suggests that seizure-induced brain injury is highly dependent upon developmental age, with the juvenile and adult brain being more susceptible to damage and rewiring after seizures than the brain of the newborn."

Fan-fuckin'-tastic. So now I wonder/worry if the emotional rollercoaster I've been on since the seizures started is actually drug-related, or if it's been hard-wired. I hope to hell it's the former. I want to wean off the "We don't know how this works, but here, take it anyway" drug one of these days and become the normal, stable person I was six months ago. What if I stop taking it, and I'm still this mental case who gets insecure/crushingly depressed/bitchy for absolutely no reason? I don't think I could deal with it for another fifty-odd years, or however long I have to wait. When I'm in one of those moods, that's all life feels like: just killing time until I kick off.