Miusheri (miusheri) wrote,

Texas Ranger or Future Deity?

It has occurred to me just now that Jesus was the Chuck Norris of his time. One day several thousand years ago, for reasons unknown, someone started making up outlandish stories about this contemporary shit-stirrer he'd heard of named Jesus. This Jesus guy- when he wants to imbibe, he glares at some water and intimidates it into becoming wine. He's so badass, he can scare away leprosy and blindness, too. Shit, he can even scare the dead into waking up. And these tales were passed around, and giggled at, and people started tacking on bigger, better, funnier yarns to try and top all the others. Jesus punched his way through a virgin's womb! He died and scared Death so bad that Death sent him back!

And so on. And then a funny thing happened. Someone wrote down all these yarns, and a few thousand years later, some people read them and believe that they must be true.

I can't help but think of all the crazy yarns spun about Chuck Norris. I wonder what would happen if we were to find a time machine and travel two thousand years into the future. In some very unkind permutation of reality, I imagine we might find Chuck Norris revered as a god, based on ancient texts that had been passed down through the ages. The majority of members of that society would believe in all seriousness that Chuck Norris really could roundhouse-kick people across space and time, really did shit Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, and really did father the entire Super Bowl champion Indianapolis Colts roster, among other miracles. And were we to double over laughing and reveal to them that it was all a big fucking joke on the Intarwebs, they'd accuse us of blasphemy. If they were a particularly zealous society, they might torture and/or kill us for this sacrilege. Probably with a flock of priests who'd deliver savage and repeated roundhouse kicks to the head.
Tags: religion stupidity

  • Post a new comment


    Anonymous comments are disabled in this journal

    default userpic

    Your IP address will be recorded