Miusheri (miusheri) wrote,

I've been bored as all hell this week, and with Fark down yesterday, I was trolling around the NY Times website (so much more intelligent than CNN). There I started reading about dissociative fugue- basically, a type of amnesia where one completely drops everything, goes venturing, and winds up somewhere else with no memory of their identity or family or friends. These memories eventually come back in all cases, but in the meantime, the subject may spend months in another city, eking out a living under an assumed identity. Most interestingly, they usually don't know they've forgotten anything until someone asks them their name or where they're from.

One of the causes of dissociative fugue is the same kind of epilepsy I've got- temporal lobe. Based on my experience, I can see the connection. Every seizure I've had, I've woken up not remembering a damn thing- not my name, not my address or phone number, very little to nothing about what I've been doing all day or what led up to the seizure. Like the fugue, I'm not aware I've lost anything unless someone- like the paramedic riding in the back of the ambulance with me- asks. Then, I realize I don't know, and start getting panicky. "Don't know" is a bad way to describe it. I know that some part of me knows. The information is there, but something prevents me from connecting to it. Every pointer in my brain has been redirected to null. It's only with time that the pointer references readjust themselves and rejoin me with the information. [/geek]

Looking more into temporal lobe epilepsy, it turns that in most adult-onset cases, no cause for it is ever found. So, the fact that my doctors couldn't find anything to point to is actually normal. I'm hoping that'll change one day, as neuroscience advances. I've always known I'm screwy in the head, heh, but I'd like to know just how. Also, I'd like to know if I'm ever going to get any super powers out of the deal, because I think that's only fair.

Fortunately, I haven't had a "full-blown" seizure since last September. Yay! I do still have simple partial seizures, though- full seizures in their own right, only I don't lose consciousness- at the rate of about once a month. The last one I had was on Sunday, and it was a doozy. Usually, I'm fine within a few minutes or an hour, but this one took me most of the day to get over.

Is it enough to make me go back on meds? Absolutely not. Trading an infrequent annoyance for batshit insanity, depression, and the risk of full seizures if I don't keep up with every dose is just not worth it. If they ever come up with medication that takes care of the SPSs and doesn't cause the same or worse as side-effects, then maybe.

Anyway, there was a point to all this... oh, yeah. Dissociative fugue. Uh... if you ever catch me running around homeless in Philadelphia or something, don't be surprised? ;) (I'm not seriously worried about it, I just got to the part of the article where they described causes and was like, "Oh! Oh.")

In other news, our company's officially been bought out, and we have new corporate overlords as of yesterday. Now is when everyone gets to wonder who is getting canned and when. ^_^* There's not much chance that our department will get booted, but I'm already hunting for a new opportunity in the 'Burgh, so it probably won't affect me much either way.

Also, I discovered the worst way to start an otherwise gorgeous Friday morning:
1) Parking ticket
2) Coffee machine at work broken
Tags: epilepsy

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